[Dark] secret to a spotless home

My extended family is coming to town for the weekend. As I look around my  home and begin to corral the clutter, I am tempted to test an observation made a few weeks earlier: that thorough housekeeping is, really, a selfish act.

This discovery was made during a tea date. I had invited a few colleagues to my home  and, due to a scheduling snafu, I had arrived with no time to spare.

The ladies saw my home as it was (and usually is): an open floor-plan, great expanse of windows, sturdy oak furniture ... mail on the buffet, dust on the mantle and cobwebs in the corners.

Kathy was the first to arrive. “What a view!” she exclaimed as she looked out the back sliders to the river in the distance. Guilt-ridden, I murmured that the windows remained unwashed to deter birds trying to fly into the house.

“A spotless home is no more an ideal than a cluttered one.”

Others joined us enroute to the kitchen. There breakfast dishes and a dirty cookie sheet lay on the counter. Quickly ushering the ladies back into the living room -- past the dismantled hard drive on the dining room table -- I mumbled an apology for the appearance of things.

It was then that I received one of the greatest gifts of my adult life: Kathy admitted that her home was in the same condition. No, she wasn’t just being nice. Seeing my place made her feel better about her own. More at peace with the unvaccumed stairway. Less guilty about  the paper pile on the coffee table. She wasn’t alone in her feelings.

In that moment I realized that a spotless home is no more of an ideal than a cluttered one. If a) one’s objective is to create a welcoming, comfortable environment, and b) guests feel  shame upon visiting a home cleaner than their own, then c)  keeping one’s home squeakly clean must be done for oneself, not others. Therefore a selfish act.

I really haven’t done much cleaning since hosting the tea. Oh, the cobwebs are gone, but the windows remain untouched. And I generally feel pretty smug about my recent revelation. But company arrives on Friday. And, by company, I mean my mother.

I’d like to talk more. But I’ve got a house to clean.

Comments

[Brenda Friedrich]

Paul, I'm so glad you found this post; I needed the reminder! I was just speaking with a sister about how cleanliness factored into our priorities. She is raising two fine young men and doing a fantastic job. That's her focus. She's not doing quite so well in the housekeeping department, however. Right now, my own living room is cluttered, but my business is finally thriving. My yard needs to be weeded (again), but I'm staying true to my commitment to avoid chemicals in going green. And, community, yes! I have actually spoken to my husband about downsizing our obligations so we can actively contribute there. I think these are worthwhile priorities. And our personal cleanliness should help us achieve those priorities (give us a sense of order and organization), but they shouldn't become the focus! Thanks again for commenting!

[Paul Bartoswicz]

Brenda,
Our house is much the same way. We find ourselves to wrapped up in things that have to get done rather than in keeping the house spotless. We often have to clean a spot on the table in order to have a place to eat. I feel that being involved in the community is much more important than having a spotless house